Sunday, July 15, 2007

The Beginning

I haven't been feeling well for the past two weeks. One day I was walking from the train station and felt so tired. I rembered thinking, "This job thing is for the birds, give me children, so that I can stay home." I also remembered being at church and all of a sudden, I felt the most unmistakable lower back pain. "It must be my period." I rembered thinking. I had to sit down. Just like that, my energy was sapped away and I felt exhausted. After church, Garfield wanted to get desert downstairs. As much as my sweet tooth dictated my decisions, I had no energy to walk downstairs.

We ended up going to a neighborhood Italian restaurant. I ordered a glass of Reisling, thinking that would ease my back pain. It did, albeit temporarily, but after the dinner, I was sore again. I stayed in bed for the next three hours, certain my period would come. It never did.

"I'm going to the drugstore to get a pregnancy test." I suddenly announced the following Sunday night at 9:37P.M. Somwhere in the back of my psyche, I knew something was different. My cycle is sporadic, so not having my period was not alarming. When I was younger, I sometimes get my period six times a year,

"I'm going to pick up some pictures I developed, too!"

"Well, you're going to owe me $20 because I know you're not pregnant."

My husband always has some outlandish comment.

"Why don't you just wait until your knee-surgery on Thursday and we ask them to take a pregnancy test for us?"

I pictured all of the doctors in place, prepared to replace my missing ACL just to discover I'm pregnant. Then, raising their hands in disbelief. They would hate me.

"I can't do that. What if you forget to ask?"

My babes knew that once I made up my mind to do something, I was going to do it. I'm my father's child.

"Well, pick up some ice-cream on your way back." He said resolutely.

It was cool and drizzling outside. I wore my ripped up Express jeans, I've had since freshman year in college.

"I'm picking up a pregnancy test." I said casually to my eldest sister.

"Well, tell me how it works out."

Maybe I was. Maybe I wasn't. I had no idea where to find the test. Would it be in the aisle with the contraceptives or with the diapers? It was in the aisle with the diapers. I guess that made sense.

I got my developed pictures. Sweden! Everytime I develop pictures, it's a suprise what it would end up being.

I had the test in my hand . Then, stopped and got Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cokie Dough for me and Haagan Das Vanilla Bean for Garfield. I left everything on the table, while sharing the pictures from my vacation to Sweden. I went on the vacation two months before I got married. It was at the nearing of the closing of the chapter of my single days.

I went to the bathroom and was careful to follow the directions of the test. Point the test downward as you urinate for ten seconds. One. Two. Three. Four. It was positive before I counted to ten. I looked at the plus sign hard. It was what I suspected for the past two weeks. I was indeed pregnant. I didn't know how I felt. I called Garfield and the only words that slipped out of my mouth was, "You're a daddy."


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